please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So much Jack, so little girl.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
