Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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