Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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