come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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