i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
