Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
