I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
