She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
