I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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