dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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