I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
