How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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