I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
