so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
