Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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