weddingsv make me drug and hornr
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
