I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
