singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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