letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
