please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
