I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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