yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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