we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
