She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
