The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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