but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
