ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We don't watch enough power rangers
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
