Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
