He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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