don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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