apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
