me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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