Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
