i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
