dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
