Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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