you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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