i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
