He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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