I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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