i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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