TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
no more duck duck goose at the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize