I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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