dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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