don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i think i just naturally attract stoners
send nudes
from the living room?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
