Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
