This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
