I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
