yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize