my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
