I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His hands were made for my vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
