I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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