I wish my penis had an off switch
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
