forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
