U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
