i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize