I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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