I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
