My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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