the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
