at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize