if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
