honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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