I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
