Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
